When picking wild blackberries, one must step softly and carry a big stick. Step softly to avoid the retaliation of hundreds of stinging thorns velcro-ing themselves to the lower legs. Use the stick to reach the top branches otherwise tantalizingly just out of reach. One glove, Michael Jackson style, is ideal, leaving the gloved hand to hold the branch and the free hand to pick without crushing the fragile berries. It goes without saying that long pants are a must. Tie long hair back to avoid disastrous entanglement. Beware of rattlesnakes nestled among the thistles. Although I have never personally encountered one, I am told that the snakes are common in the warm hours of the day.
Blackberries are ripe when they fall easily from the stem, the rich blue-purple color filling the little bulbs fully and leaving the skin plump and taut. Blackberries near a source of running water tend to be larger and juicier. Those in too much direct sunlight are small and withered. In my experience, those hidden near the top of the bush tend to be the sweetest. Those which crush easily when attempting to remove them are too sweet. Those with red bulbs near the stem or red coloration are sour, but are salvageable in pies when mixed with ripe berries. Watch for worms, rotting patches, or spiderwebs on the surface of the fruit.
Collect berries in a flat basket or plastic container. Using a bag typically crushes the berries on the bottom and causes excess juice to leak. Be careful not to drop the basket. As your neighbors walk by the wild blackberry bush, subtly tilt your bucket toward them, displaying the size and quality of your harvest, and give them a smug grin. If they are nice people, make a blackberry pie and bring them some. Alternatively, if you so desire, eat all the pie yourself and laugh demonically in delight.
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